COVID-19 Lifehacks

I’m someone who wouldn’t be caught dead with a self-help book and have never read one (unless the works of psychologist Alice Miller prescribed by my therapist count). However, I’m breaking that rule in today’s newsletter, just to see what it feels like to play “Dear Abby.”

These are the psychological “tricks” I’ve been using to keep it together during COVID-19. Some of them are among my top life rules actually, especially the first one:

RULE #1

Assume the worst case and process the negative emotions up front. That way, anything happening afterwards is a windfall. Just as importantly, change your behavior immediately as if the worst case scenario has already happened. If things turn out better than expected, you’ll be sitting pretty by a big margin.

Let me recount a story which explains exactly what I mean. I had a friend whose wealthy wife had died recently. Her estate was the subject of various claims, some of them yet to be finalized. Consequently, the exact amount of his inheritance was unclear. I could see that the sheer uncertainty of the entire matter was causing him enormous emotional distress because, the fact was, he needed the money. But rather than ascertain the most crucial and fundamental facts from the executor of the will, for example, the total KNOWN outstanding obligations against the estate, he preferred to bury his head in the sand like an ostrich. This inexplicable behavior was partly explained by his reluctance to impugn the memory of his dead wife. But the fact was, his anxiety over his future had reached a near-paralyzing level and he had sunk into depression. My advice : “You must assume the worst — that you will be left with nothing — no matter what pain, anger or sadness that causes you. In the meantime, get answers to those questions that can provide some measure of certainty. Only then can you know all possible outcomes and nothing will blindside you, especially the worst case. Again, just assume she left you nothing.” While he found my advice very harsh, he did follow it and got his life back on track in no time at all — because, while he could not control events dependent on third parties, he could assert control over his own state of mind.

My son has assimilated this psychological habit and customarily assumes that he has flunked every exam or job interview as soon as he walks out of it. No matter how well a job interview goes, he keeps on tilling the field and sends out resumes until he has a job offer in hand.

The downside of all of this is, of course, feeling shitty and disappointed quite a lot. But to my mind, that’s a lot better than hoping. In cases involving email solicitation or communication, 90% of business interaction, it isn’t realistic to conclude immediately after clicking “send” that your overture will be rejected or ignored. In those cases, you need to give yourself a reasonable time frame before accepting that you’ve failed. Granted, even this short period of limbo is uncomfortable but there’s no way out of it when communication is asynchronous. Two business days seem like a good upper limit for hoping, unless there’s some clear reason, like a stated submission policy on a corporate website, to telescope that waiting period.

In short, there is nothing more inefficient or wasteful than open-ended, blind hope. In the case of COVID-19, I accepted from Day One that my consulting income would drop by half this year. But instead of feeling helpless, I thought about all the things I needed to do in order to bring in new clients or cut my expenses. I’ve been following my action plan ever since. It’s going to be a shitty year. But at least I will survive.

RULE #2

Identify an activity, the achievement or outcome of which you have complete control and DO IT during COVID-19. Whereas ordinary life was 70% certain before COVID-19, the opposite is now true — regardless of how accomplished or well remunerated you were before. That’s because COVID-19 is not just a stoppage, but the occasion for a ruthless overhaul of modern business. High achievers accustomed to asserting control over their destinies will feel especially destabilized. Thus, to echo the ingenious catchphrase coined by Dominic Cummings (BoJo’s PR svengali), it’s time to “take back control!” If you can’t generate new business, then create content, update your website or concretely advance your personal brand.

I launched this newsletter because it allows me to achieve something that is entirely within my own control. Just to be clear, the take-back-control activity need not be ambitious or world-changing. It can be something simple — like meditating every day or reading one book a week.

RULE #3

Treat yourself to ONE social Zoom call per day, no more, and make it a long-overdue reconnect with a friend you’ve lost touch with but still adore. To wit, I had a THREE hour Zoom call with a friend in Perth, Australia on Sunday. It was effortless yet spectacular. Our brains were LOCKED in sync from the first thirty seconds and we pinballed around the universe of stuff that makes us tick — how COVID-19 is NOT a Black Swan event and how such natural calamities, all interconnected, will continue to blindside humankind; how Tesla cars are unforgivably inefficient yet a necessary transition technology between pressed steel body construction and lightweight hydrogen cars; how his family does NOT shop on Amazon, god bless ’em, because his wife rejects the uninspired, commoditized crap that defines mainstream consumerism; and on and on. I still have no idea exactly what Alan has been doing these past 5 years, as in house moves, kids’ schools, vacations, friends, etc. But unless you’re cornered at a cocktail party by complete strangers, who does talk about that stuff — at least by choice? I reckon those people who like to talk about what they ate, who they saw and what they did are the same people who are BORED during COVID-19. Let’s face it. Most real-life conversation makes my brain melt with boredom. Why would I invite the triviality and small-mindedness of that conversation into my home when I can luxuriate, wordlessly, in the four corners of my mind? So like I was saying: don’t bother with a Zoom call unless it’s got the makings of a zinger. The rediscovery of an old friend on a call like the one I just had can nourish you for the rest of a lockdown day if not longer.

RULE #4

Your time is precious. Therefore, do NOT get enmeshed in anything you do not want to do with 110% commitment. The first time I said “NO” to an offer of work was one of the most liberating moments of my life actually. (That first time was only last year.)

Here’s an example: Yesterday, I made a “watercooler” comment in the sidebar chat box during a LinkedIn livestream event featuring 9gag, the famous progenitor of meme culture, about how it would be interesting to compile a book comparing the most popular memes in various countries and analyze how humour varies according to national personality and tradition. I make that kind of throwaway observation all the time, so I was surprised and flattered to receive a DM from someone (not a lightweight either, judging from his LinkedIn profile) who had attended the same event. “I’d love to do that book. How about it? Shall we do a Zoom call?” he asked. Instead of saying “yes” or “no” immediately (per my usual Type A, quick-trigger self), I asked him for his email and put him on the distribution list for THIS newsletter. Let’s see how Nick reacts to reading the meta-narrative of our encounter here…..

My other COVID-19 rules are pretty trite:

• Find a routine.
• ​Exercise.
• Eat less meat.
• Leave your phone on the other side of the house or at least turn off all of your notifications.
• Get off social media unless it’s professionally vital. (That’s a pretty big UNLESS.) If that’s the case, use it mainly as a one-way broadcast platform for self-marketing (like me).
• If you haven’t already stopped reading the news, read the news during one dedicated single hour per day, hopefully, at the same time.

This essay was part of my newsletter, On My Mind, where I talk about, well, what’s on my mind, including innovation, technology, business transformation, culture, politics and socioanthropology. You can sign up here.